this is a personal article, most of the things written here will be based on my personal experience. I AM NOT! AN EXPERT.
WHAT IS REJECTION?
Rejection is what some of us fear, no matter what kind; it can range from people rejecting us, companies rejecting us to our loved ones rejecting us. Rejection is us opening up to a person and that person says “thank you, I’m flattered , but no”.
IF I HAVE A CHOICE TO BE OR NOT TO BE…REJECTED, THEN WHY?
As to why I’ve always chosen to get rejected OR to open myself up to the possibility of getting rejected is that I’ve had so many of those moments where I like a person but that’s all there is to it. It’s just me liking that person but I never really know if she likes me too. I know some of you reading this article, probably have had the same experience. Unless we put ourselves in the path of that scary “yes” or “no” moment. We will always and forever linger on.
One day, I decided that enough is enough. If I can’t put myself out there I’ll always be in the sidelines. We have to be brave, have courage enough to take risks, even if those risks destroys a friendship.
The question is WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?
Do you want to keep living in a dream? Then don’t do anything.
Do you want to date her? Then, GO and ASK. ( only thinking about the situation isn’t going to get you anywhere)
Do you want to know if you’re going be more than just friends? Then, GO and ASK
HOW MUCH PAIN DOES REJECTION GIVE YOU?
This depends on the level of how much you got emotionally involved. In my case, I’ve been involved in a number of ways and I’m going to categorize them as…
1.) Mildly INTERESTED
In this situation you’ve probably liked someone for a week or so.
As of Jan 2019 I experienced this. I have this coworker in an english school (I’m an english teacher by the way) and we have the same student. We chatted a lot, mostly about what I taught the student during my class, as I time went by I slowly developed an interest in her. One night I just chatted her up in Facebook messenger and asked her out but she rejected me “subtly”.
It didn’t hurt so much as the other rejections I’ve experienced. Though my good relationship with her got ruined, this chapter isn’t done yet I’ll update this part sometime this year (written February 11 2019)
2.) SOMEWHAT EMOTIONALLY INVESTED
This situation as you know according to the title that I gave it is that you’ve had feelings for a certain someone, let’s say a few months to six months.
I experienced this also in my english school last year June 2018. She was a bit older than me, it got started with me and her just joking about us liking each other. Then just like what you probably think, I just happened to suddenly like her, but I didn’t really do anything about it at first, until it continued on for a few months, when I did finally ask her, I got rejected of course.
It really didn’t go well for me. It felt like a blow to my physical heart, I was really lost this time. I was not able to talk to her for a month or two.
3.) BEST FRIENDS
As the label shows this situation is when you’ve developed or became emotionally involved (one-sided) with a friend that you hang out with a lot. Usually this could be in four months to one year. In my opinion this is one of those that you should tread carefully with.
I experienced this when I was a freshman in college. I got along really well with one of my classmates at that time. We did a lot of things together, sometimes she would hold my hand when we were crossing the street, She would sometimes sit on my lap. We were really good friends. I planned to tell her my feelings on February 14, valentines day. I got rejected HARSHLY before I even got the chance to tell her my feelings.
So it broke our GREAT friendship, she got mad at me. We didn’t speak for eight months at least. I couldn’t really talk to her, we evaded each other. This time I regretted it, but slowly and surely we rebuilt our friendship again this time however we are staying as friends.
THE KINDS OF REJECTION THAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED
Let’s talk about how it goes about, by this, I mean rejection. It can range from subtle to straight out “No”
1.) SUBTLE NO
Let’s say you ask her out and you set a specific date. She only has to say “yes” or “no”, any other answer, I would probably characterize it as in the “NO” category.
A: “I’ll check with my mom if it’s okay”
B: “I’ve got work to do that day”
C: “I’ll give you a rain check”
If you ask her a second time and you still get the same vague answers, I’m sorry to say but what she’s actually saying although somewhat indirectly is “Thank you , but NO”.
THINGS MAY CHANGE FOR THE WORST
You’ll know it when her attitude towards you changes from the smiling at you all the time to just being civil. If you keep pushing her it will turn to a more aggressive stance.
My advice to you:
PACK UP AND MOVE ON and don’t push it. You just might do more damage to your friendly (well not so friendly relation now).
2.) DRASTIC CHANGE
This part is when the girl you like suddenly gives you the “cold shoulder”. I mean the whole package, from not looking at you anymore to a disgusted face when talking to you, like they feel uncomfortable when they are near you. They may act like a bitch towards you, but it’s one of their ways of saying that they are really not into you.
This will probably last for a long time, so go with the flow, GIVE HER SPACE. You can try to talk to her again and IF she responds in a hostile way, back away and DON’T TALK TO HER FOR A LONG WHILE. Whatever relationship you had with her may comeback again or it will become stagnant at a professional level.
OF COURSE, MOVE ON. That’s just life, some people will like you, some people won’t. It’s going to suck if you really like the person, the feeling is not going to be nice, but what other choice do you have? linger around in pain? or use that emotional energy to better yourself?
3.) OUTRIGHT “NO” OR ” I’M FLATTERED, BUT NO THANK YOU”
Other people have the courage and maturity to just say “NO, thank you” to you and then the next day they would still look at you and talk to you normally. This is the kind of rejection I really appreciate, it’s more of a kind, mature approach. How you respond to it however depends on you, it could be you respond maturely or immaturely by suddenly not talking to her or evading her.
Be thankful that you got this kind of rejection. This one is a lot nicer and would really help you to grow. It’s probably because it’s more gentle and constructive in a way. If you respond to this kind by getting mad and suddenly not talking to her, it will make you immature. You should give some space and try to maintain a professional attitude. It wasn’t personal after all, you took a risk and it just didn’t work out. I’m not saying that this kind doesn’t hurt because it still does.
My advice all in all:
Like us, they have a choice. Respect their choice because in this way you will grow…IN PAIN
* insert author’s evil laugh here (e.g. MWAHAHA) *
HOW I DEALT WITH REJECTION
I’ve faced many kinds of rejection before and in varying degrees. I’ll try to enumerate the ways I used on how I dealt with them.
When you get rejected, you suddenly get this emotional energy (or maybe anxiety) deep inside you. If you don’t use it your brain will and it will use it to think of scenarios that will only make you even feel worse. Maybe, you’ll even use that emotional energy to pace back and forth in your room.
Why not better yourself with excercise? Let’s face it, you got rejected for a reason and that reason maybe because you look sickly and unattractive (physically speaking). Don’t give me all that crap about personality and brains. It plays a factor but it doesn’t cover everything. So cover all your bases. 1 hour of excercise every other day or even every three days would do you a world of good in health and in looks.
One of my friends who took a Psychology major told me that music is some kind of therapy for us. Though it depends on what kind of music you listen to. Listen to crappy sad songs always then you’ll be sad always. Listening to happy or upbeat songs will make you feel happy and upbeat as well. You’ve probably been doing this already except you feel first, then listen later. Try LISTENING FIRST, THEN FEELING LATER.
Having a nice support group really does help, you can spend time with them and you’ll probably be talking mostly about fun things. They got your back.
When I got rejected most of the time I thought about the girl that rejected me. I thought about the “Why not me” question a lot. After I entered a climbing gym and made climbing my hobby, I found another activity to MAKE ME STRONGER and use my spare energy and time on something I ended up enjoying.
5.) *** WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK… YOU CAN WORK FROM HOME *** by fifth harmony
“Why do you want me to work?!” is probably what you’re thinking. What I’m saying is if you have the spare time to make yourself feel crappy by thinking about the person who rejected you and her decision, Why not use that energy you’re using to think and make yourself feel depressed and actually use it on your work; Your boss will like it and you’ll probably end up getting a promotion.
If you don’t feel like exerting that much at your job, why don’t you try and distract yourself at home with some part-time jobs that you like. Both options benefit your career and not to mention your wallet. That extra cash and promotion might be an advantage to the next woman you ask out.
IN THE END
It depends on how much emotionally invested you are in someone.
If you are one of those who’ve fallen quite a bit for someone, it takes longer to heal.
What I’ve shared doesn’t heal you magically overnight.
Though, it’s going to help you overcome the day-to-day, week by week, month by month, struggle that comes with rejection.
I’m sorry but there is no magic pill. There is only the rough grind ahead, the long crawl out of that deep whole you’ve fallen into.
I sincerely hope you get yourself out of the deep hole.